Two weeks ago. I was a little blind sided by this question our speaker asked us.
I responded with the story of how I arrived at the DTS. Which resulted in the question being rephrased.
What do you want?
For me a panicked I knew I wanted freedom and healing, I wanted to leave my past in the past and keep moving knowing the grace and redemption of Christ was enough. I knew I wanted to confidently share the hope of gospel without guilt and shame.
So why did I panic? I don’t really know if I have a clear answer for you. What I know is I felt in that moment that my “incorrect” response had put me on the spot as an idiot. I felt as though I am only here because God spoke but there must be more but deeper than that I knew what I have already mentioned. I knew I wanted freedom. I wanted intimacy.
God called me yes but he knew the desires of my heart. He knew that for me to fulfil the call that he placed on my life I would have to struggle a with living with 20 females, be surround by 60 -80 people on a regular basis. While receiving truth and learning how to apply that truth to my life while navigating an intense lifestyle.
And even when the waves seem to consume me, I know that he is faithful. I know that he is good and kind and he hasn’t given me anything I can’t handle.